Cranbrook's City Ditty

This little ditty gained notoriety in a short period of time after being read by its author, Mike Redfern at the Wednesday Farmer's Market.
Thanks Mike for sharing it with us and allowing us to publish it here.  A chuckle for the weekend.

The Ugliest City in Canada – with apologies to Sweet Molly Malone

Once Cranbrook’s fair city
Was not quite so pretty
And was given an unwelcome reputation
By a newspaper reporter
Who attacked it without quarter
As the ugliest city across this fair nation.
The ugliest city,
The ugliest city,
The ugliest city
Across this fair nation.

When City councillors heard it
They quickly referred it
To an advisory committee to research and report.
The committee ruminated,
Then finally stated
They needed to give the whole matter more thought.
To give the whole matter,
To give the whole matter,
They needed to give
The whole matter more thought.

But while they were thinking
The residents were sinking
Into a morass of recrimination.
And while some blamed the City
Others thought it a pity
That the Chamber had not done some mitigation.
The Chamber had not done,
The Chamber had not done,
That the Chamber had not done
Some mitigation.

But a volunteer committee
Decided the city
Would look so much prettier with flowers in bloom.
Along the Strip so notorious
It would really look glorious
If gardens were planted wherever there was room.
If gardens were planted,
If gardens were planted,
If gardens were planted
Wherever there was room.

Soon saplings and flowers
Were growing in bowers
Alongside the highway and all through the town.
The citizens all smiled
That their town, once reviled,
Was now one of the best-looking cities around.
Was one of the best,
Was one of the best,
Was now one of the best-
Looking cities around.

But a problem remains
And it isn’t the drains
And it isn’t the garbage or fresh water supply.
But some streets in this town
Bring its reputation down
For the paving’s so brutal it makes a man cry.
The paving’s so brutal,
The paving’s so brutal,
The paving’s so brutal
It makes a man cry.

So in next year’s City budget
Dear council, don’t fudge it,
Please allocate money to repave the road
That threatens my suspension
And undermines my intention
To only speak well of my chosen abode.
To only speak well,
To only speak well,
To only speak well
Of my chosen abode.

Now Cranbrook’s fair city
Looks really quite pretty
With most of the eyesores hidden away.
Behind foliage and flowers
The ugliness cowers
And this new handsome face is now here to stay.
This new handsome face,
This new handsome face,
And this new handsome face
Is now here to stay.