Aging
better as the merry-go-round slows down
By
Michael J Morris
Gosh,
with all the really big stories floating around the twitterverse recently, I
thought that I would pontificate on at least one of them.
Maybe
Robin Williams or the Robocalls guilty verdict or the veterans of Canada
organizing to defeat the Harper government or Statscan not being able to count
employment numbers. All worthy of attention indeed, but for the moment at least
I will leave them alone, and share some thoughts on a column written by Virginia
Bell for Huffington Post on "aging better".
Bell
claims it gets better as you get older. "You get better. Life gets better.The
merry-go-round slows down and you can finally enjoy the ride..."
I
don't usually read past the first couple of paragraphs of most stories ((I've
become an all the news in 140 characters kind of guy) but Bell's comment
intrigued me.
She
suggests that it's not easy but possible but "necessary to make peace with
yourself, your past, and the whole process of aging. That naturally involves
forgiveness, compassion, and patience; for yourself first of all and for others.
In fact, aging is the ultimate 12-step program; Aging Anonymous! Instead of
giving up drugs or drinking, you have to give up all the things you're still
holding onto; the material things as well as the emotional baggage; the grudges,
resentment, and regrets. It doesn't happen overnight; it's an ongoing process
and like any recovery work it's tough, humbling but ultimately life
changing."
Aging
Anonymous! Nice touch. Bell also makes it clear that it doesn't mean we can't
continue to be "active, ambitious and successful but hopefully the ego is no
longer calling the shots..."
Damn
ego. I recall that after retiring from College of the Rockies, the phone didn't
ring as much; I was no longer the centre of attention as the sage on the the
stage in front of the classroom, which I had, at least in my own mind, been for
more than 30 years. It was downright depressing and I recall chatting over
coffee with Dr Berry Calder, the college president about it.
Berry
laughed and gave me the solution. "Come up here and get a cup of coffee from my
pot which you have been doing for years, wander the halls and chat." I did and
soon I drifted away from the college, gradually making the adjustment. I hardly
ever visit the place now.
Bell
offers good advice: "The projects we pursue and the life we lead need to reflect
that and be aligned with who we are now and not who we once were. If we're able
to make that transition then getting older can be a rich and fulfilling
experience."
She
offers four suggestions:
1.
Finding a purpose for this phase of life is essential: It doesn't have to be
professional but we all need something that brings us joy and gives us a way to
be in the world as an elder person.
2.
If you don't have a purpose then take some time to discover it: Ask yourself, if
you died at this moment what would you regret not having done? A life review is
a valuable process; one that is highly respected among psychologists, social
workers and gerontologists.
3.
Develop your inner life: Carl Jung believed what healed patients in the second
half of life was to cultivate a spiritual outlook. He recommended tools such as
dream analysis and creativity. Journaling, prayer, or spending time in nature
are also ways to awaken those parts of the self that were not developed while we
were building a career and constructing our social persona. Meditation is
another.
4.
Simplify, simplify, simplify: As we age the desire to acquire is less and the
need to scale down becomes stronger. Our focus is shifting and we don't have the
time or physical energy to deal with a lot of stuff.
Bell
adds: "Ultimately, aging well it's about being authentic; discovering your own
rhythm, making your own rules, going at your own speed. It's being flexible
enough to change and grow but not feeling pressured to stay relevant and look
youthful. So lean back, lean in, reach up, lie down and most of all love
yourself where you are."
Before
you ask, yes, I have been working on bits and pieces of Bell's four suggestions
for some time. Even today I am.
For
example, when I was a daily newspaper reporter, I may have had to write on one
of the political stories I noted at the beginning. If I was still teaching
English literature, no question I would be preparing a lecture on Robin Williams
outstanding performance as a teacher in 'Dead Poets Society" and the use of
metaphor in Walt Whitman's "My Captain. My Captain" in the movie and in his
life.
But
I'm not. In fact I am on my way to have coffee with the guys in the Friday
Morning Coffee Club where maybe, just maybe we will discuss the burning issues
of the day, and maybe not too. We may just laugh at the absurdity of it all. My
email is mj.morris@live.ca
Here
is the link to Virginia Bell's article:
Full disclosure: I am not now and never have been a member of the Citizens for a Livable Cranbrook Society; however, I did conduct a workshop for its members for which I was paid.
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